(Someone gets offended by the bells before the movie even begins, because “bells” represent America and all of it’s oppression.)
As a young child, George Bailey would never have had the opportunity to save his brother Harry from breaking through the ice. The likelihood that they would be outside playing on anything outside of a rubberized park playground would be slim to none. Additionally, George and Harry would be surrounded with adult supervision, and making sure the boys didn’t break into a game where scores were kept, less their psyche’s be damaged for a lifetime. Harry would be on Ritalin, and wearing a helmet
George never would have worked for Mr. Gower, let alone been permitted and encouraged to work. C’mon, how could 11 yr old George be expected earn money, when he has soccer, violin, swim, hockey, debate, and coding classes to master? Let’s face it, Mr. Gower couldn’t afford his much needed services, as he was expected to pay $15/hr minimum wage to pour sodas and make deliveries. After a week, George would ask for a raise and a “mental health” day. No doubt Mr. Gower would have poisoned his customer with a deadly compounded prescription. Diptheria is the worst.
Instead of whispering into George Bailey’s bad ear, “I’ll love you till the day I die”, a young Mary would lecture George that he was part of the evil patriarchy. George, being all of 11 yrs old, is understandably confused by Mary’s accusation, with his brain on trains, traveling, and acquiring a harem. George gets the feeling that Mary is a bit self-righteous, and his feelings for her have trouble materializing
Uncle Billy receives an email, a text, a push notification, meeting reminder, instant message, and @tagged on the Bailey Building and loan intranet site; all for the same appointment with the bank examiner. Uncle Billy still arrives late.
Instead of George buying a suitcase from a friend; a local shop owner – George never leaves his seat to obtain it. Click! He’d get free two-day shipping with Amazon Prime. A brand new suitcase delivered to his doorstep, and missing the opportunity to make a friend in his locale.
When George’s father passes away, he’d livestream the funeral, making sure to use hip hop lyrics in the eulogy. It would get a lot of “likes.”
“Buffalo Gals” is supplanted by “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo.
Instead of doing the “Charleston” at the school dance the crowd does a highly choreographed routine that took weeks of practice and gobs of their parent’s money to bring to life. It made a 30 second Instagram “Story.” It didn’t really happen if it wasn’t on Social Media. This was the only interaction of all the dance attendees, as the rest of the night was a “silent disco” with headphones draped over their ears, so they won’t have to look or talk to one another, and only be in their own heads. Losing another opportunity to create a friend, or even a romantic relationship.
After the dance, George and Mary decide to walk home together. Mary’s robe gets caught on a bush branch, and she’s rendered naked. Though George gives her the robe back after some delay, and no sexual activity of any kind takes place, she takes to the internet the next day to document her story, and George’s reputation is irreparable. This makes the likelihood of their romantic relationship much, much, more unlikely.
Harry Bailey comes home from War, and decides to write a book and run for congress. For his heroism, he gets skewered on Saturday Night Live by a cast member that’s never done a single push-up.
Ma’ Bailey doesn’t run an inn…she has an AirBnB as a side hustle, because she’s unable to retire in today’s America.
Immigrant Martini, the bar-owner is sent back to his native country, as running a bar isn’t considered of value in the eyes of the US Govt, as he was never properly documented. This denies George of another opportunity to make friends in his community.
Ernie is an Uber Driver instead of the local taxi driver that everyone knows and loves. He drives far too fast, and hasn’t quite taken care of that awkward smell in his car. It also appears that the tires are without tread. At least he has a couple of mini water bottles from Costco for his passengers. Since Ernie only drives late at night, and early morning, he never finds the opportunity to have a friend in George, or really anyone else.
In Today’s world, Nick the Bartender, has an un-ironic mustache he’s very proud of, and makes drinks with ice spheres, muddled cherries, and zero remorse as he charges $18 for his “artisan crafted cocktails.” George, on a rare occasion, will pay his hard earned money from a job he doesn’t love on $18 cocktails. Because of the infrequency of which they interact, George fails to gain another friend he will so desperately need. Nick’s also having income problems as hipsters become “sober curious” or hunt down White Claw.
The Bailey Building and Loan suffered mightily during the latest financial crisis. As the Big Banks offered interest only loans and mortgages to people that never had a shot to pay them back. The Bailey Building and Loan had most of their debt default due to their customers economic woes ( which started from the Big Banks ruining the larger economy). As the US Taxpayers saved the large banks, most of their debt was purchased by one the bank giants. They basically had to start all over again. Mr. Potter’s bank was also bought, but given his financial position, he made money on the deal, and is still very wealthy. Potter also serves as the President of the Bedford Falls branch.
Despite having a very rocky start and ruining of George’s reputation, he and Mary find a way to get married, mostly because Sam Wainright swiped left on Tinder.
Just as Mary and George are heading off to their honeymoon, both of their phones notifications start going wild. There’s news alerts… “Breaking! Stocks crashing. Shareholders run for the Exits.” “Banks lose it all!”. As this happens, George immediately knows he won’t be able to post pictures of he and Mary drinking on the beach to Instagram…he’s not going. His phone alerts show the quickly shrinking balance of cash at the Bailey bank, and he must attend to it. The Bailey bank customers take to their computers and smartphones to move balances, and go to ATMs to procure cash. George is unable to convince his customers, to whom he’s given much, to keep their money with him, as he’s unable to see them in person, and doesn’t have much of a relationship with any of them.
The Bailey Building and Loan somehow survives. As the economy picks up, so does it’s business. Mr. Potter hates this fact. Potter’s lost customers and money, and offers George a job with all the travel and money he could ever want. By this time, George and Mary have kids. Their expenses are large because of it. Their grocery bill continues to climb. Their taxes continue to increase. Their healthcare costs are completely unmanageable, with a simple Dr. visit for each child costing $400 out of pocket. Knowing these facts, Mr. Potter points out that he knows George, though doing well, is headed down an unsustainable path of work and stress. When George receives his job offer from Potter, he is filled with self-loathing for having even put himself in this position. George has tried to do the “right thing” all of his life, and seems to be paid back with storm after storm. George still does what he feels is right, and rejects the job offer from Potter. In doing so, George writes about the experience on his own personal blog.
Uncle Billy has given up his drinking habit for smoking wee….uh…”Cannabis.” His stress level has improved, but his memory is still absolute crap. He forgot to make a deposit of funds before he left for Burning Man, and now the Bailey Building and Loan is in big trouble. When George finds out about this he texts his uncle emojis of “?”, “dollar bills”, and “confused face.”
George is extremely angry. On his way home from work, he texts Mary a GIF of a baby crying, stating “This is so me right now.” Upon arriving home in the twilight of a December early evening, all of his kids are on iPads, and George finds that his daughter, Zuzu is sick. George is distraught with the knowledge of what just happened with the bank, and that a doctor visit will be a least $400, and their family still has a ways to go to hit their $16,000 deductible. Mary states that Zuzu’s teacher sent her home without properly buttoning her coat. George is so upset with Zuzu’s teacher, that he sends her a nastygram on the Schools parent/teacher app. Zuzu’s teacher won’t read it for another two days as she is on strike for higher wages, even with the latest tax increases in Bedford Falls.
George is distraught, understandably. After crawling to Mr. Potter for some financial assistance for the Building and Loan, he’s disgusted with himself. George knows his life insurance policy would take care of his family for some time, and he thinks about joining the ever increasing number of people that have gone through with suicide. George knows that the number has increased in the internet age; up 33% in the US from 1999 amounts. Even knowing this, he walks to a snow and orange barrell covered bridge, hovering above an icy river.
As George is about to jump in, someone beats him to the punch; plunging into the frigid river first. George dives in after him, in an attempt to save the stranger’s life. As George and the stranger both emerge from the water, and make their way into a nearby construction trailer, they begin to talk. The stranger calls himself “Keegan”, and says that he’s George’s guardian angel. He looks at George, as if anticipating a trophy, stating “I saved your life, Bruh!”
George has an obvious look of confusion. As he scans Keegan’s clothing, he notices it’s from a different era: a shirt that reads “Abercrombie & Fitch”, cargo pants, and a pooka shell necklace. Clearly, Keegan is trying to bring back late 90’s fashion. Keegan, being an angel, notices George’s confusion, and says “Bruh, you need to, like, find your truth, so I can get my wings from the big guy.” Keegan does this while failing to look up from his phone as he scrolls through Instagram. George, not believing Keegan’s “angel” claims, and thinking he must have taken a bad batch of CBD Oil, says “I wish I’d never been born.” Keegan’s Angel supervisor overhear’s George’s plea, and thinks this would be a good way to show George how valuable his life might be. Keegan says, while slamming a Red Bull “Well, whatever. If it will give me actual wings, instead of this stuff, I’m down.” With a quick blast of wind, Keegan and his angel friends make it so that George had never been born.
George and Keegan take rent-by-the hour electric scooters back into town, where they see the sign “Welcome to Pottersville.” George thinks to himself, that CBD oil HAD to be tainted! George thinks he needs a stiff drink, and directs his scooter toward a bar he occasionally frequented. As he pulls up to the location, he notices it is not a bar, but a SoulCycle studio. Keegan tells him “See bruh, with your small time banking chops being M.I.A, a lot of the small businesses had to get loans from the big banks. Because of that, the smaller businesses could only open in the crap part of town. Don’t worry though, now that the bar is there, and this sweet little coffee shop, all the hipsters are moving to that crap part of town, and pretty soon the housing prices will be unaffordable too.”
George and Keegan use Google maps to locate “Grain & Vine Libation Room” in the heart of a recently gentrified neighborhood. They both walk in, and George, locates Nick the bartender, whom he’d had known as an acquaintance. Nick is chatting up a patron, wearing a 1940’s suit and mustache, about the need for Universal Basic Income. As Nick “smokes” the drink, he sees no irony at all, in his Universal Basic Income argument, and charging $18 for the cocktail. George approaches Nick, and says “What’s up, bro?!”; looking for some affirmation. Nick gazes at George angrily; he doesn’t know him at all. Nick asks George what he’d like to drink, while Keegan follows George to the bar. George asks for something “muddled”, while Keegan asks for a Zima. The Zima order garners odd looks for Nick, and nearly everyone else in the bar. Nick let’s Keegan down easy, by saying “They haven’t made that crap for years, but lucky for you, even with the shortage, we managed to track down some White Claw – it’s the same thing.”
George starts to realize that something is up. Could it be that the whole entire city is playing an elaborate prank on him? Pretending to not know him at all? Changing the name of the city? George had seen something like this on a YouTube series, but it struck him as odd that “he” would be the subject of a spoof series, as he wasn’t a celebrity. He did have a thousand twitter followers, but that wouldn’t qualify him even as an “influencer.” George looks at Keegan and asks “Seriously, what’s going on?”
Keegan, begins to explain to George, that he’s been given a pretty “sweet experience, dude! Even AI and virtual reality hasn’t gotten this good yet! Now you know what it’s like for the world to never have known you!” Keegan’s phone starts vibrating, and says to George, “Every time a phone vibrates, an angel gets it’s wings.” George’s anxiety is starting to go through the roof, and he reaches for his vape pen.
As George finishes his vaping session, he thinks to himself…”this whole not existing thing can’t be true. If I grab my phone, it will have all of those great selfies, tweets, and snaps of me.” As George reaches into his pocket, and attempts to open his phone with facial recognition, it vibrates and says “face not recognized.” He swings the phone near the side of his leg to reset it. He then attempts to open it with facial recognition again, still the phone doesn’t recognize his face. He tries to remember the PIN he set, as a back-up, but he hasn’t had to use it in so long. In fact, it’s difficult for him to remember any sequence of numbers longer than 3 digits. Finally, he remembers his daughter’s birthday, and the phone unlocks. He sees the comforting and familiar neon photo lens app, of instagram, and taps to open. As the Instagram app opens, it asks him to login. He thought “that’s odd, this thing usually opens immediately with all of the photos of people I follow?” He remembers his username, and password, and tried to sign in, but the site says “username not recognized.” “What’s going on?!” he screams to himself internally. Keegan turns to George and says, “I’m sorry, but like you wished for, you were never born.”
George is still not believing Keegan, “This can’t be happening, I know all of these people! They’re all here in my phone!” George taps the blue “F” of Facebook’s app on his phone. It opens, and asks him to sign up – username not found again. This seems worse than not existing for George; how will he peer into the lives of acquaintances he’s not seen in person for almost decades? How will he ever know where these people stand on the current President and religion? How will he kill time at work? How will he have targeted ads for all of those products he really wants?
Having to think about his lack of existence has George feeling he should take a Mental Health Day, so he can think about His Truth. He begins to walk away from Keegan, because he, and his 90’s clothes, just aren’t helping his vibe. While walking, he sees the names of the businesses and their advertisements have changed. He stands on the sidewalk of Main Street, and reads aloud to himself “Pottersville Cannabis Dispensary?” ‘What is this?’ he thought? “CoWork Pottersville?!” “How could the name of the town changed from Bedford Falls?” he wondered. As he surveys Main Street, all he spots are bars with loud cover-bands playing terrible Christmas music, and mini-casinos and what looks to be lines of people staring down at their phones.
As he continued walking, George’s mind traveled to his boyhood home. He thought, “I’ll go by there, see if Mom is around?” He opens Google Maps, even though he knows where the house is; it gives him comfort somehow. When George arrives, his heart sinks. Now an AirBnB, there’s a Christmas-Themed Bachelorette party taking place. They’re in front of the house taking group selfies. George can’t help but notice that at least half the group is faking a smile in these photos. And worse, in between staged photo shots, these young ladies are frantically opening apps on their phone, rather than talking to one another.
George continues to notice each girl opening ads of boutiques that they follow; looking at pictures of heavily followed women of which they are jealous; as he notices their self-induced sadness, and hangs his own head. He slowly realizes that he’s spent so much of his precious time scrolling, tapping, and mindlessly seeking things he never actually wanted. Just as all of this George’s mind, Keegan somehow appears, and says “Who did you want to be, George?” George, freaked out, says “What..the.??? How did you get there, Keegan?”
Keegan, with a sly grin and a wink “I’m very sneaky.”
Keegan, getting back to his question, “Who did you want to be, George?”
George, taking stock of the question, lowers his head as if looking at his shoes, takes a long deep breath and says “I’m not really sure, Keegan. I guess I always thought I’d do something great with my life. I thought I’d go to wonderful places, have money, a bit of fame. I thought I deserved it, for whatever reason.”
Focused completely on George, Keegan nudges him on “Why do you think that is, George?”
“I’m not really sure, you know,” George continued, “Maybe I know that I have all the advantages in the World. I was born middle class in the richest country on the planet. You’re told all the time you can be anything you want to be. And because of that, I never really focused on anything that wasn’t superficial…especially the last 7 years or so.” George saying all of this, staring with blaming eyes at his smartphone. “I just feel continuously distracted….like a fish going after every shiny luer that passes in front of my eyes.”
Keegan, after a slight interruption from a notification from his own phone says to George, “Dont worry, just the boss, go on, George.”
Still distraught, George dives deeper and says “I never really gave much thought, to who I wanted to be, ya know. The kind of person, I ought to be. Because I thought it would take care of itself, but it just hasn’t. I’ve spent my life in this crap town, I thought I’d always get out of. I have Mary, the kids, a great house, and a job that was basically handed to me, and yet, I still feel empty all of the time. When I’m home, I barely register what’s going on around me. The kids are growing so fast, but I feel like my head is elsewhere; most of the time just staring at my phone at strangers. I barely text my old friends anymore, and I never see them – just the pictures that they post from time to time. It’s like this with Mary now too. When we get in bed at night, we’re both so exhausted, we just look at our phones for a bit, and don’t talk to one another much. I didn’t think it would be like this forever, but there was a time we hung on each other’s every word. We both just look at “things” and “people” on screens all of the time. Our relationships with the few people we know don’t have any depth. Mary and I have heard our friends complain about the exact same situation, but nothing ever seems to change. No one, including me, is ever present anymore…it’s like every day is one long distraction from the things I know I should be doing.”
Keegan stops George for a second “Well, what would you do differently if you had the chance?”
George, as if having known all of this for years doesn’t hesitate with his excited answer: “Keegan,you know, for years now I have just noticed how friggin’ selfish I’ve been. How everything is about ‘me.’ I mean, all of the ads I look at all day are targeted to me. I continually am told ‘you do you.’ Well, I’m kinda tired of that. It seems pretty shallow, actually. When I look back on it, the only times I really felt a twinge of fulfillment, was when I was doing something for someone else. When I was in a conversation where I was doing so much focused listening, that I completely forgot what was going on around me. When I was outside, playing with my kids after leaving my phone inside, and just noticed how much fun they were having without me being distracted. That time when Mary and our friends went to that concert where they made us turn in our phones so we couldn’t record the show…it was a blast, and I can remember just about every note played that night. When our bank gave that loan to that new coffee roaster, that kept asking us questions about start-up operations. When they got bigger, they publicly thanked us for helping them grow. We got more customers out of it, and we really helped him and his family. THAT felt really good! Like I did something important. And all I really did was take the time to listen to the guy. I just really wish things like that would happen more often now, Keegan…they just don’t.
“Why do you think that is, George?” Keegan leading him with his question.. “Who or what’s to blame?”
George didn’t have to think long before he replied “It’s on me, Keegan. I know better. I’ve just kept letting all of what I know is completely trivial, win,and win big. I know none of it matters. I know that if I get to be old, that I would give anything, including all of the money in the world to have that time back.”
Staring down at the ground, George says to Keegan, “I want to see one more thing.” Keegan, already knows what George is about to ask and says to him “George, I’m not really sure you want to see Mary.”
Confused, George sternly looks at Keegan, and teeth clenched says “of course I do. Let’s go find her now.”
As they strode toward the town Library where Mary now worked, George says to Keegan “If anyone is going to recognize me, it’s going to be her.” Keegan, knowing that George, for whatever reason, wasn’t getting it, just shook his head and said “George, …bruh… she doesn’t know you. She has no clue you ever existed. She never got married, because you weren’t around, and now she spends more time in front of screens all day with the library having gone completely digital.”
As they arrive at the renovated, all glass library, George can see Mary through the windows. As he looks upon her, he starts to tear up. She was inside, in front of a computer, with an iPad to her left, her cell phone to her right, occasionally glancing down at her wrist at Apple Watch notifications. There appeared to be multiple tabs open on all her devices, and she looked miserable staring at them, as if she would never be able to keep up.
Keegan, standing next to a disheartened George, says to him “See, without you around, she had nothing that really mattered to keep her off the internet all day. She may have been distracted when you were around, but because she loved you and the kids so much, she knew she had a lot more to live for than just those screens. Now, she just hunts for information like a zombie all day, and tries to get “likes”, which just leaves her feeling empty, and that she’s doing this for some ridiculous game that she never really wanted to play.”
George is tempted to run in and save her from herself, but Keegan wisely says “don’t do it, George. It will only make matters worse.” George knows Keegan is right, and wisely chooses to stay out of the Library, and to leave Mary be.
As George and Keegan start walking away from the Library, George starts to wish for another chance. He wonders what life might have been like, if he hadn’t been so distracted all the time, and what he could have made of himself and his family. He wished for his life back in that moment, and vowed, if ever given to him, he wouldn’t squander the opportunity. He would use his most precious commodity, time, for the things in his life that actually mattered.
As he thought all of this, George noticed he had been walking for a while. He also realized he was mindlessly, but also instinctively, walking toward what had been his house. As if coming out of a trance, he also realized Keegan wasn’t there either. Confused, he stops in front of his house, but starts looking around for Keegan. As he does this, George’s daughter Zuzu, opens the front door, and looks at him with her head cocked to the side, and confused eyes. George is afraid that she will think he was an intruder, as the snow is falling around him. After a long silent stare, Zuzu says “Daddy, what are you doing out there!?”. George’s eyes have never been side wide in their response to his daughter’s words. He looks at Zuzu and says “You know me?!!? You KNOW ME?!”
“Daddy, you’re being weird. Stop” Zuzu says to him. “Come in, it’s freezing out here.”
As George walked in his front door, he could feel his pocket vibrating from all of the phone notifications that have just come back online. He didn’t care about the phone at all, as his eyes locked on Mary. Mary, looking concerned, and confused, simply says “I missed you.”
George, staring straight into Mary’s eyes “ I missed you too.”They both knew that they would do better with their attention now. Life would be busy, and yes, they would get distracted now and then, but they both knew what really mattered, and they both vowed to give their time and attention to the people and things that were of the highest value.
As George and Mary hug in their living room, an Amazon truck pulls up. The driver tosses a box on their front porch, obviously not caring if the contents might have been fragile. The box is addressed to George. As he opens it, the contents inside are “The Second Mountain” by New York Times columnist, David Brooks. George opens the jacket, and inside, an inscription from Keegan that read:
“George! Bruh! I ordered this book for you just two hours ago with Prime Now! Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, you notice your phone buzzing, man? Well, that was me getting my wings! All because of you! I hope you’ll dig this book, and use to help you live a meaningful life in a self-centered world.
All of the Best – Keegan.”
Just as George finishes reading, Zuzu asks, “What’s that Daddy?” George smiles and says “a gift from a good friend.”
George then notices that Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You!” is playing on their house speakers in the background. And is cheesy as that song may be, he knows that the only thing that gives his life value, are the people in it. He knows that he wants all of them, and that he will give all of himself to them; from now on, no matter what the World seems to say, and how it may try to interrupt.
The End
Andrew L Hamilton 