“Self-care”
“Me time”
“Living my truth”
“I’m working on myself”
And of course…. “I deserve it.”
On and on and on.
No secret, over the last decade the idea of the “self” has become more and more mainstream.
How could it not? We all have very personalized ads shoved in our face all day long that are precisely targeted to our specific interests. ( Or at least to the interests in which we’ve been influenced). Everywhere we go, there’s a piece of media telling us to put ourselves first.
There can be an upside – people should set personal boundaries ( in some situations), and make time to do something to improve themselves.
However, is it possible that as a culture we’ve taken it too far? Complete selfishness is endemic now, as is narcissism. Our sense of entitlement at a zenith.
People cut in line more often. They’re quick to get in fights ( physically or online) anytime their own feelings get hurt. People will hold up everyone else to take a selfie in front of that landmark…over.. And over again.
We justify not doing tough things on account of our own “self-preservation” or ” for my mental health”…. OR… is it just a convenient excuse? Only the person exercising the option will know deep down.
We’ll make sense out of watching that Netflix series, night after night, instead of reading that book that will make us better.
We’ll spend money we don’t have on that thing we saw on Instagram so we can get that hit of dopamine, if only for a fleeting moment, because “I’m treating myself.”
We’ll take that drug/drink/substance to avoid the pain of the thing we really need to do, or the tough conversation we should be having, as an act of ” I just need this to cope.” But do we really?
“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”
Viktor Frankl
We are in the season of personal goal setting. If it’s not already done for the upcoming year, the wheels of personal wants are turning in most people’s heads as the calendar has flipped to a new year.
Instead of making everything just about ourselves, let’s think about how our goals for the year play into the larger picture, and aim them to be valuable to more than to just ourselves.
Working out this year? – Awesome. It’s not just about looking good naked; it’s about not contributing to the lifestyle disease epidemic bankrupting the healthcare system. It’s about having more energy and being in a better mood for your family and friends. It’s about living longer and being able to be mobile into those later years to spend time with the one’s you love. It’s about putting yourself and your family in a lower risk category the next time a novel virus reaches our shores. Think about that the days you’re less motivated.
Budgeting for year? Awesome – instead of buying that thing you know you absolutely don’t need, or because your neighbor has it, think about the things you really care about. What organization in your local community could use some resources right now as they face inflation and supply chain issues? Pick a cause, and go. You’ll feel better for it.
It’s a hypothesis – but no one has ever won an award for all of their amazing contributions to themselves. However, there are plenty of examples of praise heaped on people that were selfless, gave back, and contributed to their communities. We find meaning and purpose beyond ourselves. As you decide how to spend your time and resources, maybe shift the focus and put others first, you’ll probably be surprised how much you’ll personally benefit – a win/win as they say.
Andrew L Hamilton 
Thank you, Andrew, for this thoughtful and important “food for thought” post.
I am always so thankful to read ideas and perspectives that also verbalize some of my deep feelings. You have done a great job of that here.
As a personal aside, I cannot help but wonder if those who have chosen self-centeredness have been taught better. I was always encouraged to give grace to those people who appeared to be lacking in empathy and care for others and taught to set an example.
My Judeo-Christian upbringing helped to mold me into a person who serves a higher power than myself. I am still committed to this way of living and will turn 64 years of age in March.
No human being lives the perfect, unblemished life, but the society that we live in now is challenging when it comes to understanding and forgiveness, as it seems to continue to spiral in the wrong direction.
But my faith and my life experience has taught me to never, ever give up so I continue to “run the good race”.
I have no doubt that I am in good company because it is writings such as yours that are my proof. 🙏🏻
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